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| COMPULSION DIGITAL VERSION CHRYSSA VELISSARIOU 2014 |
That was a burst
She was used to it long ago
When he did not take
his medication
or if it had no use for once
he was becoming violent
or depressed
He was saying truths
but unconsciously
Maybe he was expressing
his intact subconscious
In the mean time
she was caressing her children
She was covering them with her
protective wings
And she was whispering to them
" Forgive him!
Be quiet, today!
Dad is Sick ... " Then he
was turning himself
towards his unreachable world ...
"If I had the money "
he was saying " I will avenge you all !
I will abandon you all !
I do not want anyone to love me ! "
If she was stopping talking to him
If she was reacting
he was loosing himself
for days
even if he was staying with them
He was comporting absurdly
just to express his rancor
For example he was being
charged by purchasing
no matter how many unnecessary
expensive lillle things
And then there was no money
to provide them sufficient food to eat
He was never permitting her
to even cal her salary
the money he was managing
She should say " our " or " your " salary
At the end of the month
he was saying that he would go
to the bank to be paid
He was calming down when
she tried to satisfy him
by serving him coffee
by giving to him hugs and kisses
although he was not responding back
She was feeling then
as if she was caring about
her first child
as if he were hanging by her
But he was not her child
He was supposed to be
her companion or lover
Everyone thought
they were a loving pair
She never admitted
her wedding was a mistake
She had lost herself
She had forgotten how
life is beyond
his psychosis
She lived him to
suck her dry
She lived him to
withstand life
But for how long could she withstand this?
Her collapse
have been natural and following
Maybe though this has become
the only possibility of
finding her freedom
The only way to
cease her self-punishment
When she dived
at the deepest bottom
she found her way
to fly...
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